A holiday. To somewhere that’s over 20°. That you don’t need to sell a kidney to pay for...

Yep, we’ve properly nailed this one.

7 nights in a spa hotel close to Funchal and the beach for just £412pp.

Funchal, eh?

“Fun by name, fun by nature.”

Your tour guide might be bringing the kinda energy that makes you want to grind your teeth to dust - but he ain’t wrong.

This is the capital of the Madeira archipelago where tropical gardens trickle into boat-stuffed harbours and wine cellars hide underground swag.

Where will I sleep?

Two words that’ll send a shiver down your spine…

No, not stuffed crust.

ADULTS ONLY. This hotel is a shrine to wellness with a fully-kitted out spa, rooftop hot tub and gym. There’s also a bunch of restaurants, bars, and a pool nestled into the gardens.

You’ll be sleeping in a double room with mountain views. Nuff said.

What will I do?

It’s a 20-minute walk to Gorgulho Beach and the Azul Diving Centre. Hop on a whale-watching tour, dive down to hidden shipwrecks, or explore Garajau National Park. These guys have got tours coming out their ears.

Take a taxi into Funchal (10 minutes) and hit Mercado dos Lavradores - a rainbow open-air market with fresh produce. After, fall down the rabbit hole at Monte Palace. Carp swim in lakes, there are dreamy oriental gardens and African art is dotted about. Trippy and exotic. We likey.

Exactly what’s included?

• 7 nights at Tui Blue Madeira Gardens
• Breakfast incl
• Spa, restaurants, gym, and pool
• Close to beach and Funchal
• Return flights from your choice of airport
• ATOL protected

Offer in partnership with First Choice, see terms and conditions here.