Punt down the Canal du Midi like a an old English gent.

Yep that’s a beret on your head and there’s a cigar hanging from your bottom lip, “zis iz France”.

France’s longest canal starts in Toulouse and makes its way through tiny villages and famous vineyards. Then on past fields filled with poppies and sunflowers. It’s sickeningly lovely.

For a short trip, pick up a boat in the walled city of Carcassonne..

Carcassonne is like that optical illusion which looks like a girl from one angle and an old lady from another. The busy modern town sits under the walled old town.

This is the money shot - The massive medieval castle, La Cité.

This is why people come here.

You’ll spot 52 spiked towers with ‘witches hat’ roofs, a 14th century well and the Théâtre de la Cité which hosts music acts in the summer.

The walls are like the Great Wall of China. In that they’re big walls. No other reason really.

If boating’s not your thing, rent a bike. The bankside road’s flat (thank Jesus) and shaded by thousands of Plane trees. It's like cycling into a Monet painting...

Some of the world’s best wine’s at your sticky fingertips.

For a couple of Euro, you can be swigging from a bottle of vintage red and slurring philosophical nonsense at passers by.

And of course the food’s mighty. Stuff your face like a fat duke. Fresh baguettes and cheese for lunch, then it’s a seafood free-for-all dinner.

If you don’t leave with gout, then it wasn’t time to leave.

Go now before the flowers droop and the Camembert melts. The height of summer’s a bit sweaty for boats and bikes.