Gird your loins.

It’s EUROVISION 2022.

Grab your assless chaps and snort some glitter. It’s time to take a look at our fave entries from around the world…

Norway

Little Red Riding Hood… but turns out granny is a bad bitch.

Subwoofer are an electro-pop duo from Norway. They’ve written a song called Give That Wolf a Banana.

Eurovision, eh?

UK

What to do when the rest of the world hates you?

You draft in a TikTok star that looks like a ginge Jesus with the voice of an angel. Sam Ryder is singing SPACE MAN.

After a few mango hard seltzers you’ll be weeping to this one and screaming “JAMES NEWMAN WAS ROBBED”

Ukraine

Haters will say Ukraine will only win because of the war…

We think it’s because they're doing a rap dedicated to their mum whilst wearing a patchwork knitted vest. The legends.

Finland

Lock up your ravens and your Barry M eyeliner…

THE RASMUS ARE BACK.

Feathers, angst, and topless energy - We’re right back in 2003 when only Finnish rock music spoke to your troubled teenage mind. Simpler times.

Italy

Italy understands the assignment.

Every. Damn. Time.

Dipped-in-leather Italian band Måneskin lives rent free in our minds forever (they won last year). The year before Mahmood did Soldi and this year he’s back. Don’t take a piss break when Italy is on, kay?

BBC One at 8pm on Saturday. Glue your peepers to the TV for the trippy rollercoaster ride that is Eurovision.