Because dancing in a muddy field in Reading and getting piss thrown down your back ain’t all that.

“Slamming tequila in a monastery. Isn’t that a little… wrong?”

Ignore the normal rules of society at UVA , a teeny new festival in a monastery on a cliff. There aren’t loads of big names playing, but it’s run by the discerning Moody Collective. Expect jazz, house, funk and world music.

Ronda is a two-hour bus ride from Malaga.

8th - 10th June 2018, £121

“Let’s start with a dip at The Secret Lagoon, rave through The Lava Tunnel, catch that acoustic set in The Crystal Grotto, then head down to Hel.”

Secret Solstice isn’t like other festivals. Iceland’s crazy landscape is used for parties that look like a cross between Vice and National Geographic.

In summer Iceland only gets 40 mins of night, so it’s totally legit to stay awake for 72 hours. Headliners include Stormzy, Gucci Mane, Bonnie Tyler, Skream and J Hus (something for everyone then...)

If you’re feeling extra baller, get the VIP package for a million dollars 😱

Secret Solstice is in Reykjavik.

21st - 24th June 2018, £152

The Citadel of Modlin Fortress sounds like summat out of Lord of the Rings. But this 19th century fortress just outside of Warsaw was the apple of Napoleon’s eye. Sure he’d be chuffed then that this summer it’s hosting one of Poland’s most exciting techno festivals - Instytut.

Headliners include Dax J, Nina Kraviz and Marcel Dettmann, all inside a 200 year old castle…

22nd-23rd June 2018, £50