Two strange little islands sit just off the coast of Britain.

Both are fiercely proud of their unique culture, off-the-boat fresh cuisine and beachy-green landscapes, BUT ONLY ONE CAN WIN…

WILDLIFE

(ghosts and fairies excluded)

Both islands are crawling with wildlife. As well as your classic UK birds and bees, The Isle of Wight has its own family-run zoo which specialises in tigers and lemurs (common bedfellows). There’s also a conservation centre which helps breed sloths, red pandas and other endangered species.

But the Isle of Man has its very own breed of cat - the tailless Manx 😼

And of course there’s the wild herds of Australian marsupials - yep wallabies roam free across the island thanks to a pair of horny escapees. Then there’s the basking sharks just out the bay…

FOOD

The Isle of Wight’s freshly caught crab and homegrown garlic can only be improved when they’re eaten together. Try the bisque at The Crab Shed and get vampire-proofed at The Garlic Farm.

It’s all about the humble kipper for The Isle of Man. Locally caught herring is smoked over wood chips in old smoke houses. Yumma. The best are found at Peel Kipper House.

HISTORICAL MONUMENTS

Man’s Great Laxey Wheel or ‘Lady Isabella’ is your classic architect's page 3. She used to pump water to the mineral mines but these days she just pumps for the good of her health.

Carisbrooke Castle is Wight’s celebrity building. Peeping out from a grassy bank, this Anglo-Saxon beaut has had everyone from the Normans to the Vikings to stay. Yer boy Charles 1st was a prisoner here for a bit too.

BEACHES

“The Isle of Wight gets more sunshine than some parts of Spain…” - beat that Man.

There’s beaches around most of the two islands, what with them being islands. Wight's are warmer (close to France innit) with colourful cliffs and beach bars during the summer. (see below)

But Man's have a certain wild Irish Sea charm.

For general weirdness you’ve gotta give it to The Isle of Man - it's rocking a Victorian water-powered carousel.

But The Isle of Wight does a better name drop at a dinner party - Queen Vicky and Charles Dickens were big fans.

Either way, you’ll leave both of these islands fat, happy and very confused.