Mallorca, Menorca and Ibiza - the three hottest sisters in Europe rn.

Everyone’s got a picture of Ibiza (it’s all true) but what about her blue-eyed, golden fringed siblings?

Are underdogs Mallorca and Menorca as similar as their names?

The simple answer is: nahhhh.

Mallorca’s a big lad. Its capital, Palma, is bursting with art galleries, fancy-ass restaurants and lots of old stuff to gawp at.

The rest of the island is your classic A-list coastline with sheltered coves and beaches that’ll make you weep. You don’t get all that to yourself though…

Mallorca’s got a rep for being glam AF. You’ll be sharing the island with chic resorts and designer clad floozies topping up their Instagram feeds 💅

Menorca, on the other hand, is a titch.

Unspoilt to the point of old-fashioned, you can easily find yourself all alone with only the goats for company.

Mahón is its biggest ‘city’ with shops and fellow humans about, but the magic’s in its forgotten trails and tumbling country-side.

If you like walking, and more importantly, gin, then you’ll never be bored here.

You could walk Menorca’s Camí de Cavalls coastal path forever. Literally - it circles the whole island.

It dips into Menorca’s famous coves, swirls around nudist beaches and winds past stone monuments dating thousands of years. Something for everyone…

For more hardcore hiking try Mallorca’s Serra de Tramuntana.

The smell of strawberries, lavender and lemons waft in the mountain air up at Puig Major peak.

Islands = banging seafood.

‘Caldereta de langosta’ is Menorca’s signature dish. Remember when Homer gave Pinchy that very hot ‘bath’?

Yep this is lobster stew. The garlicky, almondy broth hits your mouth’s g-spot.

Mallorca can hold its own next to the likes of Madrid and Barcelona - this island has ten Michelin star restaurants.

There’s a lot of chat around Marc Fosh, which celebrates simple seafood without any wank.

“The gin and tonic has saved more Englishmen’s lives, and minds, than all the doctors in the Empire.”

Winston Churchill knows. And so does Menorca. The Xoriguer Distillery makes its own gin and pairs it with lemonade to make the island’s famous ‘Pomada’.

But Mallora’s La Sifoneria does wine for 80p a glass…

Grab a wooden barrel and drink ‘vino tinto’ til it pours out your nostrils. An old projector shows black and white films so James Dean will keep you company.

It all comes down to whether you’re a city mouse or a country mouse 🐭

If you’re not a mouse at all but more of a culture vulture then you’ll want Mallorca’s ship-shaped Cathedral of Santa Maria and Palma’s banging nightlife.

But if you’re all about trekking to hidden beaches and spending alone time with bae (cute) then Menorca’s gonna sort you right out.