Vilamoura is (whisper it) a resort town in the Algarve.

Now that we’ve got that out the way.

Yes, this guy’s got a rep as being all about beaches, golf courses and casinos. But it’s also called the Monaco of The Algarve for a reason. With a little smarts you can ditch the crowds and tourist traps.

This is how to squeeze every last juicy drop out of the Vilamoura lemon...

Yachts, champagne bars, and some solid restaurant options - there’s nothing wrong with Marina de Vilamoura but you could do so much more right.

When you’re looking for digs in Vilamoura it’s easy to be a regular Shaun the Sheep and get a little apartment overlooking the marina. But there are some beaut lowkey alternatives…

The old village is set back from the marina and has a more chilled vibe. Stay in one of the white-washed terraces and starfish in a private pool. Ideal.

Or you can hop next door to the neighbouring town, Quarteira. It’s got some of the rustic charm that Vilamoura’s missing. It’s also cheaper (read: more cocktail money).

Whichever way you slice it, Vilamoura’s beaches are the hot sauce your holiday needs.

Go east for Praia de Vilamoura, which is considered the main beach. It’s got your usual cluster of beach bars and a palm tree promenade.

But the real MVP is Praia da Falésia in the west. It’s probs the most famous beach in the Algarve. Think sugar sand and sparkly water framed by craggy cliffs. Not a mirage.

Vilamoura was built round a dinky little harbour, now it’s the biggest marina in Portugal. It’s an acorn to oak story, folks.

It’s one of the swankier resort towns in Portugal. Which means there are more golf courses than you’ve had hot dinners. Not really, but 6 is quite a lot.

The most famous is called The Old Course, where everyone walks round calling each other ‘old sport’ like in the Great Gatsby. You might think it’s a predictable shout, to go to a golf course in a resort town. But this one’s a beaut. It’s packing a bowling club, tennis centre, shooting club, and a casino.

Y’know who else likes tiki bars and casinos? The Romans. Jokes, they were here waaayy before the casino-crowd moved in.

Most people swerve the historic crumbly bits and hit up the roulette wheel instead. Casino de Vilamoura is great but it’s no Bronze Age gravesite...

Cerro da Vila is your slice of history in the sun. It’s the dusty remains of an ancient Roman Village. The Moorish forces kicked the Romans out but eventually the Christians nabbed it for themselves. The Romans made their gaff here because of how close it was to the sea - which was ideal for trade. Nowadays you can stroll round the ruins of two villas and a gravesite.

After all that old timey ogling you’ll want to wash the dust out your peepers with a boat trip. The crowds head for the Aquashow Park, but the smart move is to jump on one of the boat trips leaving from the marina. It’ll take you on a tour of the Algarve’s coastline and hidden caves.